For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.” (Isaiah 41:13 ESV)
There are several things in my life that are plaguing me these days. In many ways it seems that what I thought I “knew” Scripture said has been turned topsy-turvy. I feel enormous pressure to get things “figured out”; to know what God has in store for me, and why.
I suspect that Moses received a vision from God of what he was to accomplish as a young man (before age 40). Exodus 2:11 says that when Moses “had grown up” he went out to his people and observed their burdens. What a pregnant phrase! It seems to convey, a vision for “his people”, a recognition that he was in a place to “do something about it”, and perhaps even an awareness that HaShem had destined him for something significant. However, Moses attempts to take action himself, clearly–it turns out–before it was God’s timing.
What is particularly perplexing is that it takes another 40 years before God makes good on the vision that He had apparently awakened in Moses! Ah, God save me from such a divine timeline! (Uh, Dear God, I take that back, by the way, just in case my reluctance mean I need to experience such a thing.)
Anyway, I guess my point is that 1) I need to be patient, as just because God has revealed something about the future doesn’t mean that He is ready for me to put my foot on that path as of yet, and 2) that it is, after all, the LORD, who holds my right hand, and it is the Redeemer of Israel who helps me.
Keep me in your way, O Lord, let me not turn my foot aside from Your path, lead me in the way everlasting and guide me.
4 thoughts on “Who I Serve (and Wrestle)”
I can very much relate, especially to the sense of pressure you mention. I get frustrated and discouraged because it seems one moment I am very convinced and solid, and the next I get blown away by something and then I have to rethink everything. Sometimes I feel like a reed blown in the wind, tossed to and fro, especially when I found out the Torah hadn’t been done away with. But I am beginning to see the wisdom in the journey and learning to be patient that HaShem certainly has ordered my life. Amen to your prayer.
I heard or read somewhere recently a drash instructing that Y’hudah the betrayer, knowing the prophecies of Mashiach, was so anxious for Yeshua to fulfill them that this is why he jumped the gun and betrayed him to the Pharisees– not because he had lost faith, but because he was so anxious to see the prophecies fulfilled. Of course, when he realized the magnitude of what he had done, he knew how wrong his actions were and, well, we know the rest of the story.
It is a frustrating age to be in, when you feel like you know so much and you’re so prepared that you’re right ready on the cusp of doing what you’re meant to be doing… yet you’re still not getting that burning bush from HaShem that you need, the kick start to get you going. It’s something too many of us can sympathise with these days, but I refuse to let it be a frustration. Instead, let it be an encouragement that there are many, many good things ahead!
That’s a great perspective, Shoshana.
Baruch haShem, Nate.